just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
