You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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