I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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