So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize