Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
