i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
