she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize