he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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