im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
