Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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