so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Randomize