an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
