So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
