I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
