He kissed a someone with a penis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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