Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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