i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
