i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
