So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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