I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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