My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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