just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
