Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
