I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
