I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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