Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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