He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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