Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
