i just wanna soil my oats bro
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pour the whiskey from now on
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
