Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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