I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
