Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
