Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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