She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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