I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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