listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
