the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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