You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
