At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
