yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
