Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
