his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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