I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
