She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
