Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
