Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
