our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
