yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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