Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
