there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
