I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
