After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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