so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
