Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize