Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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