I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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