There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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