We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
