You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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