we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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