Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
