K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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