my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
