I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
