don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
