Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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