never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have post one night stand depression
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
