Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
