Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
