no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
