I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
