My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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