You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
