i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
