it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
