In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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