Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
