i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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